Mortal Kombat 3 Players Profile

If you've been around an arcade and played MK3 for any length of time, you'll find that there are a variety of players out there. Some good and some bad. Some nice and some that are mean as hell. What I have done here is listen the most common types of players, some info about them, and for some, things that you should remember when playing them.

Newest Additions

Player Name:	The Turtle
Favorite Character:	Doesn't matter, he idles with 'em all
Favorite Quote:	"Come on, come a little closer .. I DARE ya!!"
Description:	This is the corner sittin' fireball chunkin' muthafucka you used to play at Street Fighter II. He has carried his talent over to MK3 where his favorite fighting style is to crouch in 'da corner and sit there like the little pussy wimp that he is! If he could disable the timer, he would sit there for half an hour until you were stupid enough to come close ... then it's either uppoercut or teleport-spear. When he was born, it was rumored that he sat inside of his mother's womb for 12 straight days waiting for the doctor to pull him out so he could attack!
How To Handle:	I dunno, he STILL manages to kick my ass!

Player Name: The Helper

Favorite Characters: Never plays, too busy trying to give people moves that they already have.

Favorite Quote: "You know his other fatality, right?"

Description: This is the guy that thinks he knows moves that you don't, and no matter how badly you beat him, he's convinced you need his help. The bad thing is, he hasn't learned a new move since Ermac's second fatality and is only at the arcade bothering the hell out of everybody because his parents never pay attention to him. If this guy would only shut the fuck up for awhile and play a little, he may realize that he doesn't have to suck at the game forever and can actually get good at it. As for now, he'll just stand by the arcade machine like a dumbass and get smacked upside the head by people who are tired of hearing him run his damn mouth.

How to handle: Just start to bullshit and let him know you know more than he does .. this usually shuts him up.

Player Name: The Liar

Favorite Characters: Scorpion and Smoke

Favorite Quote: "I usually never play this game."

Description: The guy you see every Friday and Saturday night, kicking everyone's asses. He is the guy who is there playing for hours on a dollar, and gets 20 wins in a row fighting in a versus tournament. When you say to him "You're pretty damn good," he counters with a smug smile and says "This is my first time," or "I haven't played this in months." Basically an "Ass-Kicker" in disguise. Refuses to brag unless given a compliment. He also spends 30 to 40 seconds pretending that he's going to play as Stryker, and once another player chooses he immediately chooses Smoke or Scorpion. Spends his weekends when he's not at the arcade memorizing every move for every character. Is especially cheezy with the jump kick-teleport-spear combo.

How to handle: There are two ways: Make sure your around a crowded machine for both. You can give him a compliment, so he says one of his catch phrases. Once he answers shout out loudly: "You lamer! I see you here every day!" Or, once he says a catch phrase, get on the machine and kick his ass. His ego is very important to him, so he'll pump in money until he beats you, or until he goes broke. Either way is fun as hell.

Older Additions

Player Name:	The Thrower
Favorite Character(s):	Anyone with good throwing abilities
Favorite Quote:	"What?? Me ... cheap?????"
Description:	The Thrower only uses one button the entire game .. low punch. Some throwers go as far as to superglue their finger to low punch as not to miss an opprotunity to throw someone by having their finger slip off the button. Throwers try to justify their actions by telling themselves that it's a good move to use because people can't block it and even though people say it's a cheap move, they shouldn't make themselves vunerable to a throw. But deep inside, they know that's a sorry excuse to cover up the fact that they suck at the game and the reason they throw so much is because they would get their ass kicked if they actually tried to fight the honorable way.
How to handle:	Well, if you have a friend there with you, when the thrower is playing the game, put both of your tokens in and both of you select your character. Now, when the vs. screen comes up, have your friend sneak up behind him and grab and hold both of his arms while you press low punch on both sides to disable throwing. If you don't have a friend there, simply pick Cyrax and give him a taste of his own medicine! Throw him, run up to him and throw him again and repeat the process .. there's nothing he can do to stop it!

Player Name: The Beggar

Favorite Charcter(s): None .. 'cuz he doesn't have the moves for any of 'em!

Favorite Quote: "Hey, how did you do that?"

Description: This poor guy isn't lucky enought to have 'Net access and he's so lame, nobody will give him any moves. He goes to the arcade with the latest issue of LamePro that only has outdated moves in it. He goes to the side of the game and sits down with a coffee can, hoping that somebody will feel sorry for him and write down some moves and stick it in the can. After he realizes that this won't work, he starts bugging people .. asking questions like, "Do you know any fatalities?" It's especially annoying when you're trying to play the game and he's looking over your shoulder trying to memorize your hand movements as you do moves and combos.

How to handle: I would say just give him the moves but I know most people wouldn't do that. My only other suggestion is to give him a list with bogus moves on it. At least it will keep him out of your hair for awhile as he tries to do everyone of them. When he comes back to you for an explanation as to why the moves didn't work, tell him they just put in a new version and changed the moves. He's so stupid, he'll believe you and thkink you're cool for giving him the moves!

Player Name: The AssKicker (Also known as "That guy over there that nobody wants to play."

Favorite Character(s): Loves 'em all

Favorite Quote: Doesn't ever say anythinig, seems to be more intimdating by just beating the crap out of people and not saying a word

Description: Oh yeah, you know the type. This guy is so good .. he coudl do a 100% air juggle combo with Sheeva! You usually see this guy on the machine and about 20 people standing around waiting for him to get finished ('cuz they know bette than to play him) while he beats the game repeatedly. If you are stupid enough to even try and play him, 30 seconds, a double flawless, and a babality later and you walk away looking like an idiot wondering why you wasted your time. An AssKicker could beat the game blindfolded with one arm tied behind his back and use his feet to press the buttons.

How to handle: Really, all you can do is join the other 20 people and stand around the machine waiting for him to get finished .. unless of course you wanna look like an idiot in front of 20 people.

Player Name: The Maniac (Also known as "The guy who gets really pissed when he loses")

Favorite Character(s): Hates 'em all.

Favorite Quote: What? 9-Hit combo?? That's BULLSHIT!!!"

Description: The maniac can range between being a poor player to a very good one. Only problem is, when he loses, he hears voices in his head that tells him to destroy. You can often hear him cussing across the arcade as the CPU kicks his ass. Then he gets spastic and starts kicking the game cabinet and banging on the controls .. as to make sure they don't work for the next person who wants to play. Throwers might get a fist to the face for doing that to the Maniac. Often has to be thrown out of the arcade by force, kicking and screaming the whole time.

How to handle: Just stay out of his way and don't get hit by flying arms, legs, game machine parts, or whatever.

Player Name: The Loser

Favorite Character: Too busy complaining to ever find out

Favorite Quote: "Yeah, that's once you beat me but (insert excuse here.")

Description: This guy can never admit defeat. He always blames the fact that he lost on some stupid shit like "the joystick wasn't working right." It's just one excuse after the other but everyone knows that the reason why he lost is simply because he sucks. Most four year olds who don't know any moves can beat him .. it's really pathetic that he can never acceopt the fact that he's no good.

How to handle: If you try to reason with him, he'll only argue with you. Best thing to do is shake your head and go "uh huh" as he talks some bullshit like he hurt his arm during football practice and couldn't get the button presses down.

Player Name: The Nacho Cheese King

Favorite Character(s): Smoke and Kabal (hehe)

Favorite Quote: "I can do a 27-hit with Kabal!"

Description: They know how to play two characters and that's it, although some know how to play with Cyrax and really know how to poor on the cheddar. If they catch you in a spin dash or teleport, be prepared to lose over half your energy. That's about all they know how to do. Sad thing is, some of them have gotten so good at it, they're almost impossible to beat! The Nacho Cheese Kings range between the ages of 4 and 5 and barely stand tall enough to see over the controls. You laugh when you see them standing there playing but your jaw drops open with shock when they totally kick your ass!

How to handle: Best thing to do is .. wait. The dash and/or the teleport will come eventually 'cuz that's all they know. Nacho Cheese Kings can't stand a real fight and will attack you with one of those moves eventually. When they do, it's air juggle time! Nacho Cheese Kings fear Scorpion and his jump kick/teleport moves, they often wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat because they had nightmare of a Scorpion player totally fucking up their world.

Player Name: The Arrogant One

Favorite Character(s): Himself!

Favorite Quote: "The outrageous, stupendous, contageous, " ... and some other shit

Description: This is what happens when he goes to play. Walks up to the game in a strut like he just had something shoved up his ass (more often than not, it was his head). He puts his tokens in and at the character select screen, he always takes 30 to 40 seconds to choose his character. Thinkng that it's a good way to intimidate his opponent, he knows good and well that he's gonna pick Smoke and try to cheese his way through the fight. He *would* have his girlfriend give him a massage during the game but no girl is stupid enought to even be seen with him. If he does happen to beat you, he'll brag for 20 minutes to anyone who will listen about how he mopped the floor with your face. All the while, you're laughing your ass off because you let him win!

How to handle: Play him, let him beat you a couple of times unitl he gets really, really cocky. His attitude will be boosted because he knows that people are watching. Then play him again, beat him to a pulp, and make him look like a total idiot. (As if he really needed your help.)

Player Name: The Bullshitter

Favorite Character(s): Johny Cage (for MK3 *shrug*)

Favorite Quote: "I'll trade you the Goro morph for all nudealities"

Description: These guys usually originate from AOL .. (it must be something in the air there). He's always coming to the arcade with new bullshit. Spends his time trying to make up stuff that he hopes people will actually believe. It's really sad because a lot of people actually do! He's the one who started the MK2 anamality rumor, and he has also been the person reporting a lot of Kano sightings. He also started the rumor about Nudealities and a wide variety of other bullshit.

How to handle: Create a page called The MK3 Lamerz Page and make a public example out of these worthless pieces of shit.

Player Name: The Machine Hog

Favorite Character: Motaro (He takes up more room on the screen than any of the others)

Favorite Quote: "Move over dammit .. I need more elbow room!!!!"

Description: Usually takes about 95% of the space in the front of the game so that you have no room at all. The really big guys are the worst because you basically have to stand on the side of the game with your arms stretched out to reach the controls and looking over the cabinet so you can actually see. If you politely ask them to move over some, they will usually politely tell you to "fuck off."

How to handle: Make sure that a Machine Hog is not playing when you first come up. That way, he'll have to join a game with you. As he puts his tokens in, establish your position and hog 3/4 of the space before he does!

Player Name: The Maverick

Favorite Character(s): Sonya, Sektor...all the wussie ones

Favorite Quote: "Damn, you rule. Damn, I suck!"

Description: Goes to a different arcade each week to find people who hasn't seen him anywhere else. If someone is watching, he always pretends to get killed by the computer so the watcher would hop in thinking he can beat the guy. Pretends to take his time selecting a character and ends up selecting the ones considered weak. Let's the victim beat him a round while boosting the victim's ego verbally. If he thinks the victim is really lame, he lets the victim beat him until he has to go change another dollar. THEN, he comes back and totally tares apart the victim. The victim, having beat the guy so many times, has a false sense that he can take the guy so he keeps on changing more and more money to try and beat the guy. After wasting 25 dollars, the victim realizes he's been scammed and walks away. The Maverick also uses this technique of losing to see everyone's play tactics/patterns so he can beat them silly when it's time to.

How to handle: If you see someone you don't usually see and no one's playing him, go give him a try. If he starts acting like a dumbass and it's just too easy to kick his ass, he's the Maverick. Just beat him until he decides it's time to kick your ass. As soon as he does, and you lose, walk away. Eventually, he will get a reputation in the arcade as being really good and no one will want to play him. Eventually, there won't be any arcades left for him to go reestablish a reputation and he will just die, only able to fight the computer since no one wants to fight him.

Player Name:	The Helper
Favorite Characters:	Never plays, too busy trying to give people moves that they already have.
Favorite Quote:	"You know his other fatality, right?"
Description:	This is the guy that thinks he knows moves that you don't, and no matter how badly you beat him, he's convinced you need his help. The bad thing is, he hasn't learned a new move since Ermac's second fatality and is only at the arcade bothering the hell out of everybody because his parents never pay attention to him. If this guy would only shut the fuck up for awhile and play a little, he may realize that he doesn't have to suck at the game forever and can actually get good at it. As for now, he'll just stand by the arcade machine like a dumbass and get smacked upside the head by people who are tired of hearing him run his damn mouth.
How to handle:	Just start to bullshit and let him know you know more than he does .. this usually shuts him up.

Player Name:	The Liar
Favorite Characters:	Scorpion and Smoke
Favorite Quote:	"I usually never play this game."
Description:	The guy you see every Friday and Saturday night, kicking everyone's asses. He is the guy who is there playing for hours on a dollar, and gets 20 wins in a row fighting in a versus tournament. When you say to him "You're pretty damn good," he counters with a smug smile and says "This is my first time," or "I haven't played this in months." Basically an "Ass-Kicker" in disguise. Refuses to brag unless given a compliment. He also spends 30 to 40 seconds pretending that he's going to play as Stryker, and once another player chooses he immediately chooses Smoke or Scorpion. Spends his weekends when he's not at the arcade memorizing every move for every character. Is especially cheezy with the jump kick-teleport-spear combo.
How to handle:	There are two ways: Make sure your around a crowded machine for both. You can give him a compliment, so he says one of his catch phrases. Once he answers shout out loudly: "You lamer! I see you here every day!" Or, once he says a catch phrase, get on the machine and kick his ass. His ego is very important to him, so he'll pump in money until he beats you, or until he goes broke. Either way is fun as hell.

Player Name:	The Beggar
Favorite Charcter(s):	None .. 'cuz he doesn't have the moves for any of 'em!
Favorite Quote:	"Hey, how did you do that?"
Description:	This poor guy isn't lucky enought to have 'Net access and he's so lame, nobody will give him any moves. He goes to the arcade with the latest issue of LamePro that only has outdated moves in it. He goes to the side of the game and sits down with a coffee can, hoping that somebody will feel sorry for him and write down some moves and stick it in the can. After he realizes that this won't work, he starts bugging people .. asking questions like, "Do you know any fatalities?" It's especially annoying when you're trying to play the game and he's looking over your shoulder trying to memorize your hand movements as you do moves and combos.
How to handle:	I would say just give him the moves but I know most people wouldn't do that. My only other suggestion is to give him a list with bogus moves on it. At least it will keep him out of your hair for awhile as he tries to do everyone of them. When he comes back to you for an explanation as to why the moves didn't work, tell him they just put in a new version and changed the moves. He's so stupid, he'll believe you and thkink you're cool for giving him the moves!

Player Name:	The AssKicker (Also known as "That guy over there that nobody wants to play."
Favorite Character(s):	Loves 'em all
Favorite Quote:	Doesn't ever say anythinig, seems to be more intimdating by just beating the crap out of people and not saying a word
Description:	Oh yeah, you know the type. This guy is so good .. he coudl do a 100% air juggle combo with Sheeva! You usually see this guy on the machine and about 20 people standing around waiting for him to get finished ('cuz they know bette than to play him) while he beats the game repeatedly. If you are stupid enough to even try and play him, 30 seconds, a double flawless, and a babality later and you walk away looking like an idiot wondering why you wasted your time. An AssKicker could beat the game blindfolded with one arm tied behind his back and use his feet to press the buttons.
How to handle:	Really, all you can do is join the other 20 people and stand around the machine waiting for him to get finished .. unless of course you wanna look like an idiot in front of 20 people.

Player Name:	The Maniac (Also known as "The guy who gets really pissed when he loses")
Favorite Character(s):	Hates 'em all.
Favorite Quote:	What? 9-Hit combo?? That's BULLSHIT!!!"
Description:	The maniac can range between being a poor player to a very good one. Only problem is, when he loses, he hears voices in his head that tells him to destroy. You can often hear him cussing across the arcade as the CPU kicks his ass. Then he gets spastic and starts kicking the game cabinet and banging on the controls .. as to make sure they don't work for the next person who wants to play. Throwers might get a fist to the face for doing that to the Maniac. Often has to be thrown out of the arcade by force, kicking and screaming the whole time.
How to handle:	Just stay out of his way and don't get hit by flying arms, legs, game machine parts, or whatever.

Player Name:	The Loser
Favorite Character:	Too busy complaining to ever find out
Favorite Quote:	"Yeah, that's once you beat me but (insert excuse here.")
Description:	This guy can never admit defeat. He always blames the fact that he lost on some stupid shit like "the joystick wasn't working right." It's just one excuse after the other but everyone knows that the reason why he lost is simply because he sucks. Most four year olds who don't know any moves can beat him .. it's really pathetic that he can never acceopt the fact that he's no good.
How to handle:	If you try to reason with him, he'll only argue with you. Best thing to do is shake your head and go "uh huh" as he talks some bullshit like he hurt his arm during football practice and couldn't get the button presses down.

Player Name:	The Nacho Cheese King
Favorite Character(s):	Smoke and Kabal (hehe)
Favorite Quote:	"I can do a 27-hit with Kabal!"
Description:	They know how to play two characters and that's it, although some know how to play with Cyrax and really know how to poor on the cheddar. If they catch you in a spin dash or teleport, be prepared to lose over half your energy. That's about all they know how to do. Sad thing is, some of them have gotten so good at it, they're almost impossible to beat! The Nacho Cheese Kings range between the ages of 4 and 5 and barely stand tall enough to see over the controls. You laugh when you see them standing there playing but your jaw drops open with shock when they totally kick your ass!
How to handle:	Best thing to do is .. wait. The dash and/or the teleport will come eventually 'cuz that's all they know. Nacho Cheese Kings can't stand a real fight and will attack you with one of those moves eventually. When they do, it's air juggle time! Nacho Cheese Kings fear Scorpion and his jump kick/teleport moves, they often wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat because they had nightmare of a Scorpion player totally fucking up their world.

Player Name:	The Arrogant One
Favorite Character(s):	Himself!
Favorite Quote:	"The outrageous, stupendous, contageous, " ... and some other shit
Description:	This is what happens when he goes to play. Walks up to the game in a strut like he just had something shoved up his ass (more often than not, it was his head). He puts his tokens in and at the character select screen, he always takes 30 to 40 seconds to choose his character. Thinkng that it's a good way to intimidate his opponent, he knows good and well that he's gonna pick Smoke and try to cheese his way through the fight. He would have his girlfriend give him a massage during the game but no girl is stupid enought to even be seen with him. If he does happen to beat you, he'll brag for 20 minutes to anyone who will listen about how he mopped the floor with your face. All the while, you're laughing your ass off because you let him win!
How to handle:	Play him, let him beat you a couple of times unitl he gets really, really cocky. His attitude will be boosted because he knows that people are watching. Then play him again, beat him to a pulp, and make him look like a total idiot. (As if he really needed your help.)

Player Name:	The Bullshitter
Favorite Character(s):	Johny Cage (for MK3 shrug)
Favorite Quote:	"I'll trade you the Goro morph for all nudealities"
Description:	These guys usually originate from AOL .. (it must be something in the air there). He's always coming to the arcade with new bullshit. Spends his time trying to make up stuff that he hopes people will actually believe. It's really sad because a lot of people actually do! He's the one who started the MK2 anamality rumor, and he has also been the person reporting a lot of Kano sightings. He also started the rumor about Nudealities and a wide variety of other bullshit.
How to handle:	Create a page called The MK3 Lamerz Page and make a public example out of these worthless pieces of shit.

Player Name:	The Machine Hog
Favorite Character:	Motaro (He takes up more room on the screen than any of the others)
Favorite Quote:	"Move over dammit .. I need more elbow room!!!!"
Description:	Usually takes about 95% of the space in the front of the game so that you have no room at all. The really big guys are the worst because you basically have to stand on the side of the game with your arms stretched out to reach the controls and looking over the cabinet so you can actually see. If you politely ask them to move over some, they will usually politely tell you to "fuck off."
How to handle:	Make sure that a Machine Hog is not playing when you first come up. That way, he'll have to join a game with you. As he puts his tokens in, establish your position and hog 3/4 of the space before he does!

Player Name:	The Maverick
Favorite Character(s):	Sonya, Sektor...all the wussie ones
Favorite Quote:	"Damn, you rule. Damn, I suck!"
Description:	Goes to a different arcade each week to find people who hasn't seen him anywhere else. If someone is watching, he always pretends to get killed by the computer so the watcher would hop in thinking he can beat the guy. Pretends to take his time selecting a character and ends up selecting the ones considered weak. Let's the victim beat him a round while boosting the victim's ego verbally. If he thinks the victim is really lame, he lets the victim beat him until he has to go change another dollar. THEN, he comes back and totally tares apart the victim. The victim, having beat the guy so many times, has a false sense that he can take the guy so he keeps on changing more and more money to try and beat the guy. After wasting 25 dollars, the victim realizes he's been scammed and walks away. The Maverick also uses this technique of losing to see everyone's play tactics/patterns so he can beat them silly when it's time to.
How to handle:	If you see someone you don't usually see and no one's playing him, go give him a try. If he starts acting like a dumbass and it's just too easy to kick his ass, he's the Maverick. Just beat him until he decides it's time to kick your ass. As soon as he does, and you lose, walk away. Eventually, he will get a reputation in the arcade as being really good and no one will want to play him. Eventually, there won't be any arcades left for him to go reestablish a reputation and he will just die, only able to fight the computer since no one wants to fight him.

Mortal Kombat 3 Players Profile

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